What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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