Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize