I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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