I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize