Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've blown a few things in my day
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
