This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were trust falling into bushes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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