I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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