my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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