are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
