Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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