So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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