things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
