I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize