Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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