You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
