I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
