ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
