Yo dont text me then not text me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
