I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
