I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
