I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
