I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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