YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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