I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
