normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
