If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
