I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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