At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
