I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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