i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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