I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
