He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
