Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
