why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize