Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
