i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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