so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize