allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
