i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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