Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
