**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i think my cat just said my name.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
