It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
