either way he was missing a nipple.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
