Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize