he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
