At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
