community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
