someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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