haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
