The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
