I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
