she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
