I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
