you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize