Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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