Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
