I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
