I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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