You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
