i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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