I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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