Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize