We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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